sometimes at 3am i want to call you - i get lonely
i wrote:
had you asked me to stay i would have burned the shoes i packed
and saved myself the tears i left behind on the crossword puzzle i as unable to complete in the airline magazine.
you never asked me to stay.
you sat on the edge of the bed and wished me luck.
you made the life i was too afraid to admit seemed scary sound exciting - you made me sound exciting.
secretly i kinda hated you for that.
i remember you in pink.
you sat there playing the violin between your second and third hot pink toes
unable to look me in the eyes.
i remember eating pickles on the carpet - you told me your mother told you liars never look you in the eyes.
you never looked up.
you never asked me to stay.
i'm wondering about the dreams i've produced
i wake up every morning praying none of these texts are from you
none of the emails are from you - or cc: to you
i want to bcc: you my heart in case i no long exist beneath the power you sprinkle on your chest after showers.
that doesn't bother me
there's someone i've been missing
in the wrong place - trying to make it right
between jay z lyrics & bootleg movies we brought from the incense man i wrote you a note and placed it at the bottom of your thrift store bag - under the mary k.
you never asked me to stay
i'm fine here - i make friends easy - everything seems beautiful to me always.
i'm just not eating - and sometimes i stay in the shower too long.
i've learned to love when it rains
no one can tell when you're crying
i brought my ticket to you in october today
i imagine your smile - forgetting it exists outside of picture mail and twitpics.
i grabbed the pen at the bottom of my backpack
between my passport - under the moleskin journal with letter to the president
i found your fingerprints hanging from a sheet of paper - there was 4 week old chanel mademoiselle attached - and your words:
to fight for you is all i've ever known.
stay home.
