i.am.a.good.dude

(not 100% true)

we spun while etta james blew:
at last
my love has come along
my lonely days are over
and life is like a song.........

she asked: why are you not married?

i replied: the only two women i would ever consider marrying have accepted the proposals of other men.

she asked: are they better men than you?

i exclaimed: ha ha ha. of course not. but they are stable. i am now, and will always be the better candidate...except when it comes to stability. i just don't have that in me.

she stated: so you gather no moss like a rolling stone, i see.

i came back: in case the grim reaper visits my home.

i did the toast and sang a song in all of my intoxication.
and marriage didn't seem so horrible anymore.

in the back of my mind i thought:
only a fool would sacrifice happiness for stability.

and i had a self-admission:
i wasn't always a good dude.

"i was just fucking them girls
i was goin' get right back" 
-shawn carter

i was a fool.
but i've atoned.

so here i stood in this fly ass tuxedo dancing with her.
and telling her how great we looked together.
and how one day it'd be us sitting at the top table in white.

we laughed and danced
and smelled each others neck.

she asked: so will you ever be stable?

running through my head were the men who couldn't write as nice as me, shake as many hands, hug as tight, love as hard, laugh as long, listen as much, teach as many, learn as much, make as much money, browse as many options, or look as good as me...

but they have women who would sacrifice it all for stability.

so i answered: yes. when i find that woman worth being stable for. i'm beginning to believe she doesn't exist.

she asked: so these two women...they're not happy?

i shrugged my shoulders and let her know about the depression weight one of them has put on since accepting, and the late night phone calls to my phone "just to talk."

we kept dancing.

she said: who knows. maybe we will.

and we spun and spun...